Sunday, July 26, 2015

Sometimes I Wonder Who You'd be Today

Tomorrow, July 27th, would have been my brother, Zach's, 17th birthday.  I have to confess that as time has moved forward, I have thought of him less frequently.  And I never allow myself to feel sad about him.  Most of the time, that is because I think about where he is now and what he is doing, I know he is happy.  I know he is doing important things, and I know he is where he needs to be.  We have been blessed by more than one account in the years since his passing of someone being touched in some way by Zach from the other side.  What a comfort that is.  Since tomorrow would have been a celebration of the years he had lived on earth, I thought I might allow myself just this once to reflect on what he might be like if he were here with us still.

My first thoughts are about what kind of uncle he would be.  He loved spending time with Brook when she was younger.  I know he would love what a wild child Brielle is, and I can almost hear him laughing at her antics.  I wonder what he would think of Brook now, and if he would like to play with the girls when we come to visit.

Then I wonder what our relationship would be like.  Would I have learned to appreciate him more?  Would he make me laugh?  Would he call me just to talk?  Would he drive up to see me just because he wanted to spend time with me?  What would we have done together?  Would we have gone on double dates together?  Would he have confided in me his girl stories?  Would he have come to me or Jeff for advice?

What would Zach have looked like now?  Would he be tall and filled out?  What would his face look like?  Would the girls be chasing him?

What would Zach be doing at home?  Would he be excelling at drums?  Start his own garage band?  Do crazy things with his friends?  Would he like school or be frustrated with it?  Would he play pranks?  Would he tease my parents?

If I did allow myself to be sad, I might think more on everything I wish he could have been there for but hasn't.  I might think about all the things we have missed out on as far as earthly experiences, rites of passage, and growing from boy to man.  Would I feel more complete if he were still here, sharing these things with me?

Since it is his birthday, I want Zach to know that I do allow myself to think these things from time to time.  I also want him to know that I am happy for him now.  I am grateful to him for not forgetting me, and sending me sweet reminders that his spirit is still here.  I can recall one in the past year.  His presence is so beautiful and comforting to me.  I love that he still finds ways to communicate his love to me.  I am grateful that his life continues on the other side, and that his physical death was not the end of his existence.  I am grateful that that is true of all of us, and that one day, we will all be reunited with the ones we love because of the Gospel and temples.  I love you Zach.  Thank you for being my brother.

I hope you don't mind the song I am sharing today.  It is not at all spiritual, but it reminds me of Zach because I have had these thoughts.  Plus, let's be honest, if Zach were here, he would probably appreciate the rapping.  This one's for you bro!